*Six years
ago (2013), during the wake of one of the most deadliest typhoons ever
recorded--typhoon Yolanda/Haiyan--that devastated Southeast Asia, particularly
in the Philippine regions of Leyte and Samar, I wrote a blog recounting a
deadly flash flood I had experienced, also in the Philippines, brought about by the precedent typhoon Frank during my visit 5
years prior (2008).
Similarly,
I decided to share another account of another ordeal I had coming back to the Philippines last
January this year (2019) in the wake of another sad state that had struck the country just
weeks ago: the Dengue epidemic, notably in our hometown where most cases of the
virus have been reported.
The
account below I originally put in as an exhortation during my worship leading in
the charismatic community I am in, coming back to the US, about a month after
the dengue illness befell my family. My exhortation ran this way:
Good afternoon, brothers and sisters,
Let me
begin by reading Sunday’s gospel last week: Luke 5:1-11.
Jesus saw two boats there alongside the lake; the fishermen had
disembarked and were washing their nets. Getting into
one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, he asked him to put out a short
distance from the shore. Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat. After he had finished
speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water and lower your nets
for a catch.” Simon said in reply,
“Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your
command I will lower the nets.” When they had done
this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to
come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that they were in danger
of sinking. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the
knees of Jesus and said, “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” …Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be
catching men.”
As I reflect on this gospel (although it is
fitting for today’s activity: The presentation of different ministries and our
call to service) there is another point that the Lord is trying to make aside
from merely telling me to be a fisher of men and women or to evangelize or serve in ministry, and this is in light of my family’s recent ordeal.
Some of you know that my 6 year-old daughter got
sick with dengue-like viral symptoms last month while in the Philippines (and it happened a day prior to our scheduled international flight back home, an added insult to injury). It
was really hard to see your loved ones, especially your children suffer.
Hearing her screaming and crying out loud at the doctors, nurses and
phlebotomists, almost to the point that we fear her having a breakdown; and
telling me and my wife that she is so tired already of all the procedures and
shots and injections, is so heartbreaking. Her fever doesn’t seem to go away
and her blood chemistry dropping down lower and lower by the day. I wondered how much
longer do we have to endure all these? Days seemed to be weeks, all the
sleepless nights and in a place away from home, while at the same time also
observing our son in the hope he won’t start having the same symptoms as his
sister and two of their cousins already contracted with the virus, especially
on days when he started having runny nose and cough and appeared lethargic. Not
to mention the added financial burden it incurred us for non-refundable flight cancellations
and medical bills on top of the financial crisis we already had to begin with.
When we are placed in these situations, be it
sickness, financial stress or family crisis of any kind, I felt a tremendous
sense of uncertainty and helplessness. So many “what-if’s”. And it is in these
times, my faith was tested to see whether it was an opportunity for me to trust
the Lord wholeheartedly or shake my fist against Him or just curl up in
despair. It is in times like these that you will definitely feel that “knowing
your faith” and “living your faith” are two entirely different things.
So I find myself like Peter in the gospel.
Throwing down nets everywhere yet came up empty. I have been praying the same
words all day everyday: How badly I would like my daughter to heal and recover
very soon, and how we all long to come back home (in the US) because we are running out of
resources. But it has not seemed to work. Or so I thought.
But like
the Lord said in the gospel: “Do not be afraid, put out into the deep and lower
your nets for a catch.” So I keep going, keep hoping, keep praying, keep
trusting in spite of my doubts, fears, frustration, anxiety and helplessness.
Until finally, indeed by God's grace--only by God’s grace--my daughter started
to feel better and her blood chemistry slowly improved. The doctor even
surprised us by letting us go after a brief stay in the hospital. The love,
prayers, help and support we received along the way from family, relatives,
friends, my home group, neighbors and the community were overwhelmingly
bountiful, both material and immaterial. It's like Peter’s boat, with so great
a number of fish caught--in our case blessings--our spiritual nets were tearing
apart, but in a good way.
I think
my daughter got the Lord’s message better and quicker than I did. Despite the
hesitancy and reluctancy, she never gave up as she bravely and courageously
stormed her weather and conquered her fears, pains and sufferings I cannot even
imagine I could bear myself, like the kind of bravery and courage she had also shown in
her surgery when she was just a tiny little 1 month old baby. We are so proud
of her.
Fr. Mike
Schmitz, a well-known social media priest has this similar and powerful line
that spoke timely to me in the light of my recent family ordeal. He said: “When
you're experiencing incredible pain and difficulties, and you are in the midst of
incredible suffering, you can still choose to act, even when things seem
hopeless.”
Perhaps for 22-23 years we as brothers and
sisters come here on Sundays, and so much of our spiritual life in general is
about devoted repetition of the same actions which we may feel sometimes seem
to have no effect. We pray the same words year after year, serve the same
ministries, and yet find it dry, or do not see any change at all. We can hear
ourselves in Peter's words to Jesus: "I have worked all night long but
have caught nothing. Yet if you say so Lord, I will let down the
nets." And so we will keep singing, we will keep praising the Lord, even
in our darkest moments, through our sorrow and our pain. We have to keep
putting our interior life out into the deep water and lower our spiritual nets
for a catch.
Like Dory
from Finding Nemo used to say, "Just keep swimming!"
EXHORTATION 2019-2-17
